"A Woman without her Man is nothing"

Depending on your own experiences or even how you view me will probably determine how you interpret or think about this title.

This weekend while Candace and I were out in D.C. a older lady came up to us after seeing that we were engaged and said " See I think every man has a rib out there somewhere and when you two walked into the room I could tell you two were together." Then she proceeded after many other words to say, "and Young Man I think you found your rib!"

It is so unique and amazing to me how Christ took the Rib out of the Man to create the Woman, and then births Men out of Women to create this complete circle of life. Therefore, he made us so relational that we need both of us, male and female in order to exist; we are compliments of one another. I'm sure there is a reason why Candace can hold a conversation longer than I can, and there is a reason I think big picture while Candace thinks details; it is needed for us to reach a level of fullness together.

Our Pastor Donnell Jones (Not the singer) put it best to us one day; the Bible says in a marriage two become one not the same, so just like a Nut and a Bolt are two separate individual items, but when put together they make perfect unity. So is a Husband and Wife. You may be asking "How does this all tie back into Sexual Purity?" Well by not giving yourself away before you are married and have made a total commitment to each other, it forces you to not only begin to acknowledge each others’ differences but it also opens up the door for you to be able to appreciate each others’ differences. So for us as individuals, we need to work on our qualities that we will bring to the circle so we can help fulfill. For couples, we should try to focus on what our mate contributes to our fulfillment. Our God is such a relational God and I truly believe he puts people in our lives so we can get extra glimpses of who he really is. So as Candace and I move towards our onedom (if you will, if that's a word), All I can say is

"A Woman, without her, Man is Nothing". or

"A Woman, without her Man, is nothing".

I think both of them fit, you pick.

~ Tommy

“Taking Care of Business”

Wow, where do I begin… So much has transpired since our last blog. I could share with you my experience of being a supportive fiancé and friend to Tommy during the passing of his last grandparent, or how stressful the financial portion of planning a wedding can be, or even how testing it is sometimes to learn the importance of really work as one, or most recently the pressing attention needed to have clear communication with one another. But instead I have decided to share with you my gratitude to have Tommy as my friend and soon-to-be husband. Ladies, there is nothing more appealing to me right now than his astounding humility and intentional love for me!

I am seriously in awe of how humble he is; now often times when we argue it’s because of something that I messed up on (and no, right or wrong should never be the focus of a disagreement), but who likes to be wrong? Anyway, growing in Christ with Tommy has really taught me how to live in excellence and in love. He’s not too proud to admit or to apologize when he makes a mistake or realizes he didn’t respond in love. That blows my mind; the Bible says that … “Husbands are to treat their wives like Christ treats the church…” and Tommy is truly an example of that word.

It is my advice to you to always speak up and tell those around you and especially your partner of your admiration for them. And as humble as they may be, it’s always encouraging to know that you appreciate and notice their effort in loving you. After listening to a sermon by Pastor Bryan E. Crute and Lynette Crute of Destiny Metropolitan Church in Atlanta, GA, I learned the importance of respect and admiration towards your husband. This word really touched me; it reminded me that nothing is ever too small to celebrate and your man is probably just praying and wishing you notice his effort to love you.

Don’t be like the wife in T.D. Jake’s new film “Not Easily Broken”; don’t ignore and push your man so far away that he finds the need to look for love and respect outside your marriage. Ask yourself, “Who’s taking care of your man?”

I know I am!!! And I pray and declare that no one else will ever have to answer that question for me.

~ Candace

"The Present"

"Yesterday Is History, Tomorrow Is A Mystery, Today Is A Gift That's Why We Call It The Present.”

Since it is the week of Christmas I thought it would be fitting to write something about “Gifts” the book of Proverbs says: “Do not boast about tomorrow for we do not know what a day may bring forth”. On the contrary, Paul said: “He forgets what was behind him and strains toward what’s ahead”. So if we shouldn’t concern ourselves about tomorrow and yet we shouldn’t look backwards,what should we do? I guess we should focus on today. Today, I asked Candace if she was enjoying the season of our Engagement and she said, “ Yes!” I’m glad because I think that’s all we need to worry about for now. Our future Forecast marriage and our past showcased dating which in reality neither means too much right now. So, today Candace and I are engaged and I guess we don’t just need to focus on stirring “it” up But Stirring up our “Gift” of Today in particular. What has God blessed us with right now that we need to focus on stirring up? My friend who is married gave me some great advice and encouragement about why waiting to get married before having sex is so key he said, “ It’s the only time that we get to build these spiritual and physical muscles” and after hearing that it just made sense I don’t want to wait until marriage to learn how to listen/communicate to my wife or wait to learn how to give love and affection without wanting something in return. Can it be learned in marriage? Yes, of course but why wait? Have you ever tried to study for a test after the teacher passed it out? I have, and it doesn’t work very well. Better yet if you’re an athlete have you ever tried to workout or train after the game has started? I haven’t but I would love to play against an opponent that did. What are we doing for our off-season workouts? How are we preparing for our test to come? We should be getting ready, developing that character, kindness, patience, and gentleness. Get ready now! Whether if we are Single,Dating, Engaged, or Married we shouldn’t be worried about our past nor future, we should be concerned about our “Gift” called Today.

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your Gift!

~ Tommy

Stir It Up!

Earlier in the week I was feeling really bored with my life; I felt like, “wow, I do the same thing day in- day out… work, church, home…time with Tommy…time with friends…and quickly I return back to work.”I started comparing my life to that of some people on facebook; some folks appeared to being having so much fun, their lives looked so interesting. Bottom line, I was being deceived by the enemy that my life somehow was boring because everything I do almost always rounds back to church and my relationship building with Tommy.

I was feeling really discouraged, but after spending some time in the Bible reading up on who God says I am and soaking in some great advice from an awesome friend of mine, Dr. Lindsay Marsh, my eyes were opened and I realized that, “No! my life is not boring, and Yes! Praise God it’s centered around the things it is centered around!...I am who I am because that’s who God has called me to be! I am in the position I am in because that’s the place God has for me at this divine moment in my life…and how dare I even entertain the destructive ideas of satan that something is somehow wrong about spending the substantial amount of time that I do building relationship with the man whom I will spend the rest of my earthly life with!

The Devil is a liar and he indeed “comes to steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10). He wants to cripple your thoughts and get you off the path of righteousness to instead lead you to “a path that seems right…but leads only to death”(Proverbs 14:12).

I urge you my brothers and sisters to not “grow weary in well doing” (2Thessalonians 3:13). There is absolutely nothing wrong with living a God-centered and God-focused life. In fact that’s exactly what you should be doing, but if you’re like me and you find yourself feeling a little stale every now and then, then feel free to spice it up! Stir it up! Change it up!

“Go to a restaurant you’ve never been to before, dye your hair, put on some makeup, cut your hair, go shopping, take a fun class, get salsa lessons, take a weekend trip….” The list goes on and on; either way do something to get things going for you again.

Minister Lindsay told me that according to her Pastor Mike Freeman, “if you want something better, you have to do something different.”

I have been so inspired now to really take a hold to that advice and just add a little splash of color to my life. I know that I can’t expect for excitement to just show up on my door step, I have to go out and get it.

So take a second and first thank God for where He has you right now, “in all situations [learn] to be content” (Philipians 4:11 ), second, get off facebook for a little while; stop researching the lives of others and start living yours, and lastly, dive in and discover what gets you excited and stir it up!
~Candace

Max-Out!!

A few weeks ago I read Dr. Lindsay Marsh’s Book “Best Sex of My Life” a Guide to Sexual Purity. I thought the book was great it gives great practical knowledge for keys to living a sexually pure life. As for me, before I had this crazy idea that sexual purity ended once you got married; I had this insane mindset that once you got married you could have all the sex that you wanted, so I just thought it made sense that sexual purity was over once the wedding bands went on the fingers. On the contrary, I learned that Sexual purity does not have an expiration date but it is a lifestyle. Things that can have an effect on us outside of marriage if not dealt with can have a huge effect on the relationship after marriage. Examples being the music we listen to, masturbation, pornography, and anything we allow our eyes to see or our ears to hear that doesn’t glorify God. I heard someone say once, that the devil does whatever possible to make you have sex before marriage and whatever possible to prevent you from having sex after marriage. With that being said I take it upon myself to make sure I don’t give the devil any opportunity to ruin the “Best Sex of my Life”. How do I try to do this? By getting a clear distinct definition of what Sex actually is created for and that definition can only be given by its creator. The Definition: SEX- is designed to be shared between a Male and a Female after they have made a Covenant with one another. Anything other than that we’re cutting ourselves short and we’re not reaching our maximum potential of enjoyment. I want to reach my max in life How about you?

~ Tommy

"Truth"

Who is the judge?

The judge is God.

Why is he God?

Because he decides who wins or loses. Not my opponent.

Who is your opponent?

He does not exist.

Why does he not exist?

Because he is a mere dissenting voice of the truth I speak!”

My dad has this saying that has stuck with me for years; he says, “Speak the truth, speak it ever, call it what you will. He who hides the wrong he does, does the wrong thing still.”

I gather from this quote that whether you speak it or not, the truth still exists.

My auntie Regna has taught me that if you want to be able to distinguish the truth from a lie, you study the real thing, so that the counterfeit will be easy to spot. Studying the truth takes a lot of commitment and along with it sometimes comes hurt feelings and shame.

There’s something about hearing the truth that can be really difficult. I don’t know about you but hearing the truth about my faults and areas of much needed growth is pretty painful. I mean, deep down inside whether verbalized or not, you already know what you would like to work on about yourself! But actually hearing it is even more real. But ladies and gentlemen at the end of the day it’s all about the work that God is doing in you and it doesn’t matter the person He chooses to speak through.

But for me I have been blessed to have Tommy as God’s truth -speaking mouth piece. And oooh boy his truth is real. We’ve shared with you before about the importance of tone, but even when the truth is spoken in love, the way he does so well, bottom line is it’s still the truth! I’m learning that true love tells the truth and true love listens to the truth. After all as my soon to be husband , who better than to tell me the truth despite the temporary pain I may feel. As my husband he will be the example of Christ and I will be the example of the church (Ephesians 5:25 ) And the Word of God says that Christ is, “...the way, the truth, and the life...” (John 14:5) To accompany Christ as the truth, 1John 5:16 says that, “God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them...(verse 17) and as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.”

So what am I saying? I’m saying that no matter how badly the truth sometimes hurts, as Tommy lives in God and we prepare to be ambassadors for God’s design for marriage (a mirror image of His relationship with us the church), then the truth he speaks helps to grow our love for God and one another more perfect!

So don’t get upset or frustrated with the person that tells you the truth; after all they are not your opponent, your opponent does not exist! They are just the mouth-piece chosen by God, who is the judge.

~Candace

Vision

Over the past week Candace and I mapped out a vision for our marriage and I also made a list of goals for myself as well. I already have July 18^th 2059 marked on my calendar because that will be the day we celebrate our 50^th yr wedding anniversary. Candace is really good at mapping out her vision on paper while for me this is my first time but I would encourage everyone to do so. The word of God says: write down your vision on a tablet and make it plain so other may run with it. Therefore, with that being said we wanted to make our vision very simple and suitable for our children’s children’s children to be able to take it and run with it. We want to clearly make the declaration that all generational curses end with us at least any that we’re capable of ending. A declaration like that can only be accomplished by having a God ordained vision. The Pastors at our church put a lot of emphasis on passing the baton to the next generation like in a track meet and we don’t want our next generation to have to start with the baton out of the starting blocks but we want them to already be running and for it to be a simple exchange from us to them so they can take it and run with it. Writing out a vision doesn’t just give us a clear understanding of what we want out of life, but better yet it gives us a very clear description of what we don’t want out of life. So whether if you’re single or in a relationship you should map out a vision for qualities that you are looking for in a mate, or out of a relationship, and for your future. Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see . What don’t you see that you are hoping for??

~ Tommy