Max-Out!!

A few weeks ago I read Dr. Lindsay Marsh’s Book “Best Sex of My Life” a Guide to Sexual Purity. I thought the book was great it gives great practical knowledge for keys to living a sexually pure life. As for me, before I had this crazy idea that sexual purity ended once you got married; I had this insane mindset that once you got married you could have all the sex that you wanted, so I just thought it made sense that sexual purity was over once the wedding bands went on the fingers. On the contrary, I learned that Sexual purity does not have an expiration date but it is a lifestyle. Things that can have an effect on us outside of marriage if not dealt with can have a huge effect on the relationship after marriage. Examples being the music we listen to, masturbation, pornography, and anything we allow our eyes to see or our ears to hear that doesn’t glorify God. I heard someone say once, that the devil does whatever possible to make you have sex before marriage and whatever possible to prevent you from having sex after marriage. With that being said I take it upon myself to make sure I don’t give the devil any opportunity to ruin the “Best Sex of my Life”. How do I try to do this? By getting a clear distinct definition of what Sex actually is created for and that definition can only be given by its creator. The Definition: SEX- is designed to be shared between a Male and a Female after they have made a Covenant with one another. Anything other than that we’re cutting ourselves short and we’re not reaching our maximum potential of enjoyment. I want to reach my max in life How about you?

~ Tommy

"Truth"

Who is the judge?

The judge is God.

Why is he God?

Because he decides who wins or loses. Not my opponent.

Who is your opponent?

He does not exist.

Why does he not exist?

Because he is a mere dissenting voice of the truth I speak!”

My dad has this saying that has stuck with me for years; he says, “Speak the truth, speak it ever, call it what you will. He who hides the wrong he does, does the wrong thing still.”

I gather from this quote that whether you speak it or not, the truth still exists.

My auntie Regna has taught me that if you want to be able to distinguish the truth from a lie, you study the real thing, so that the counterfeit will be easy to spot. Studying the truth takes a lot of commitment and along with it sometimes comes hurt feelings and shame.

There’s something about hearing the truth that can be really difficult. I don’t know about you but hearing the truth about my faults and areas of much needed growth is pretty painful. I mean, deep down inside whether verbalized or not, you already know what you would like to work on about yourself! But actually hearing it is even more real. But ladies and gentlemen at the end of the day it’s all about the work that God is doing in you and it doesn’t matter the person He chooses to speak through.

But for me I have been blessed to have Tommy as God’s truth -speaking mouth piece. And oooh boy his truth is real. We’ve shared with you before about the importance of tone, but even when the truth is spoken in love, the way he does so well, bottom line is it’s still the truth! I’m learning that true love tells the truth and true love listens to the truth. After all as my soon to be husband , who better than to tell me the truth despite the temporary pain I may feel. As my husband he will be the example of Christ and I will be the example of the church (Ephesians 5:25 ) And the Word of God says that Christ is, “...the way, the truth, and the life...” (John 14:5) To accompany Christ as the truth, 1John 5:16 says that, “God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them...(verse 17) and as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.”

So what am I saying? I’m saying that no matter how badly the truth sometimes hurts, as Tommy lives in God and we prepare to be ambassadors for God’s design for marriage (a mirror image of His relationship with us the church), then the truth he speaks helps to grow our love for God and one another more perfect!

So don’t get upset or frustrated with the person that tells you the truth; after all they are not your opponent, your opponent does not exist! They are just the mouth-piece chosen by God, who is the judge.

~Candace

Vision

Over the past week Candace and I mapped out a vision for our marriage and I also made a list of goals for myself as well. I already have July 18^th 2059 marked on my calendar because that will be the day we celebrate our 50^th yr wedding anniversary. Candace is really good at mapping out her vision on paper while for me this is my first time but I would encourage everyone to do so. The word of God says: write down your vision on a tablet and make it plain so other may run with it. Therefore, with that being said we wanted to make our vision very simple and suitable for our children’s children’s children to be able to take it and run with it. We want to clearly make the declaration that all generational curses end with us at least any that we’re capable of ending. A declaration like that can only be accomplished by having a God ordained vision. The Pastors at our church put a lot of emphasis on passing the baton to the next generation like in a track meet and we don’t want our next generation to have to start with the baton out of the starting blocks but we want them to already be running and for it to be a simple exchange from us to them so they can take it and run with it. Writing out a vision doesn’t just give us a clear understanding of what we want out of life, but better yet it gives us a very clear description of what we don’t want out of life. So whether if you’re single or in a relationship you should map out a vision for qualities that you are looking for in a mate, or out of a relationship, and for your future. Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see . What don’t you see that you are hoping for??

~ Tommy

Godly Counsel is Paramount!!

Wow, I cannot begin to tell you how important it is to truly and proactively seek Godly counsel. Throughout our relationship Tommy and I have made a great effort to build relationship with leaders in the body of Christ that will be able and available to guide us through this new experience of engagement and future marriage. Whether it was reading books or just spending time with mentors from church, we knew that we needed support and additional perspectives in order to make this thing work.

And after experiencing our first “official” pre-marital counseling with a couple from our church, I am truly blown at the fact that people can really commit to a marriage without ever going through any kind of counseling or even a relationship building with Christ.

God is truly at the center of marriage and if you don’t have His heart about it, then you might as well sign the pre-nup and hang on for the ride that’s a downward ending slope; that’s after you tried to keep it exciting with sex and all.

This thing called marriage is NO Joke!!! Our meeting with the counselors really brought to light the reality of marriage and the joys and pains that will inevitably come along with it. I’ve heard it time and time again how marriage is real work, but I’m putting on my Timberlands and tightening my tool belt because it’s gonna take some serious submission and elbow grease for two imperfect people to exemplify God’s perfect union and display of His relationship with us as His children.

I’m realizing more and more each day how paramount it is for me to be on my A-game in order to contribute to our future marriage. I know I can’t get there alone so I’m glad we have Godly counsel to help us along the way.

~ Candace.

His-tory! ..Makes History

“The Worth The Wait Revolution" is having a model call this weekend, where Candace and I will be sharing our testimony. So, If you have a Heart for Sexual purity which I know you do because that’s God’s Heart; and you’re interested in serving and ministering to people Please come out! Check this link for more details. (www.iamworththewait.com)

Over this past week I’ve seen 50 cent Newspaper’s “Worth” go off the charts! So I asked myself: Why is that? For some people it was the historical aspect, others wanted to be able to show their children what they were apart of, and others got the papers because they thought it would be “Worth” a lot of something long down the road. I mean these papers are already going for $200 plus on E-Bay, which I think is pretty tight. But if we can imagine how a newspaper that a day before November 5^th or a day after is only “Worth” Picking up a dogs poop can be enhanced by a historical life changing event imagine how much a persons self “Worth” can be enhanced when it is identified with Christ, and “THE HISTORICAL LIFE CHANGING EVENT”. Can we imagine the historical aspect of living the way Christ has called us to live? Can we imagine passing down the Legacy of Sexual Purity to our children, and showing them the way a true marriage is to be displayed? Can we imagine sharing with people not what they think they will be “Worth” down the road but what Christ actually promises we are “Worth” today ? I personally didn’t get this newspaper that could be “Worth” so much in the future, and has so much historical significance, but my Bride to be (Candace) did, so luckily I didn’t miss-out on this historical opportunity but I’m pretty sure I would have been fine without my newspaper. On the contrary, one opportunity I refuse to miss-out on is being apart of “His-tory” and living my life to have a lasting impact on “His-tory”. My questions are who are you letting define your “Worth”? Is it Christ? Or some other outside forces?

~ Tommy

What happens when the things you thought were dead, keep coming up alive in your relationship?

Wow, I cannot even begin to tell you how much your past can really challenge your present and future relationships. There is so much in my past that I thought I had really dealt with, until Tommy and I began to dig deep into the conflict and communication break downs between us. We’ve all heard it before that “women are more emotional than men and that we carry all our emotional baggage around” and inadvertently smacking every new relationship in the face, walking around saying, “oh I’m sorry, ooh didn’t mean to do that….” Until the person finally walks away thinking to themselves, “Whoa…I’m so tired of getting smacked in the face and hearing all these apologies, yet still getting hit for no APPARENT reason (Apparent being the key word).

The baggage that I have wasn’t always so visible; I think for some of us (if I can speak for the women) our “baggage” is sometimes just put in a new or different bag like a wristlet or a wallet. It gets so clouded and cluttered by the things that make us feel good (like the lip gloss, and makeup) that you don’t even realize it’s in there. It’s kind of like your driver’s license. I hardly every even think to check that it’s in my purse; when I go into my bag it’s not ever to get my license, it’s to get some lip gloss or body spray, or gum. If you think about it, most of the times you’re asked to show your ID, it’s to verify or prove something (and for me an uncomfortable feeling); like being pulled over for speeding, or trying to buy alcohol or get into a club and you’re under age. In all of those instances just the idea of having to pull out your ID makes you a little nervous and that after taking it out the first thing you want to do is to put it right back in your purse, and the last thing you want is for you to be denied access because your license “baggage” has been denied.

In my present circumstance, my baggage from previous relationships and my feelings of insecurity and fear, have been tucked away in a small/unused compartment of my purse (life and heart), and now that I have iron (Tommy) trying to sharpen iron (me), I’m being forced to really dig deep and verify some things in my heart: why I do certain things, and why I think a certain way. And as sharp as that iron is sometimes, and as quickly as I sometimes just want to put my baggage away, I have to really attack the issues at heart and let God do the true renovation and beautification that’s required for me to live freely.

Don’t just get your issues a new bag to sit in, rather un -zip the bag, pour it all out on a table (it doesn’t have to be all at once) , and honestly share the issues so that you can be well- sharpened; ready to cut through even the hardest things in life.

~ Candace

"TONE DEAF"???

First and Foremost, we would like to apologize for our hiatus, but wedding planning and marriage preparation has taken rank over the blog for the past couple of weeks. Next, we would like to thank you all for the encouraging emails, facebook notes, and posts. It is uplifting for Candace and I to know that God is using this blog to advance His kingdom. I would also like to reiterate how this blog is open for discussion; our hearts behind this blog is not only to help others trying to advance their relationship with Christ, but to grow within ourselves as well. Finally, I would like to say we will be more consistent from here on out with a weekly blog post where Candace and I will be alternating. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO HOLD US ACCOUNTABLE!!!

So for this Week I would really just like to share what Christ has been working on in me lately. I’m really excited about marriage not just for the Fringe benefits, but really to see the next level that Christ has called me to be at. Women have to go from submitting to God to submitting to an imperfect human (Wish Candace Good-Luck with that) While Men must learn how to treat their wives with the Compassion, Kindness, and Grace that Christ treats the Church with and for me I can already tell this will be a battle. Now, one thing that the Married Men that I have pouring into my life have been teaching me is how God places your mate with you to pull out qualities in you that you could not have pulled out of yourself by yourself. In other words, your spouse will have the ability to point out your strengths and weaknesses in places you cant see them. Therefore, in our relationship one of the weakness that Candace has pointed out in me is my “Tone” Over and Over again she has restated to me “ Its not what you say, Its How you say it” and I have to almost always re frame my statement to make sure it is expressed out of Love not anger. I write all this to ask …”How do we interpret Gods “Tone”? Or a better question “How do we misinterpret it? When I misinterpret Gods heart and “Tone” behind the true design for Sex it kind of makes me feel like I’m missing out on something, but in reality the only thing I’m missing out on is Gods Loving heart and “Tone”. When I flip Gods “Tone” from a reprimanding Father that’s Screams “NO YOU CANT HAVE SEX” To a Loving Father’s voice that simple states “You can have it, but just not Yet” It makes it simpler for me to not go away thinking ahh Man I cant do that!! …But Understanding ohh he’s trying to protect me from Heartache, losing friendships, and trying to bless me with the ability to communicate with my future spouse so we don’t rely on Sex for our marriage to work. “Sex is a by product of marriage, marriage is not a by product of Sex” So while I have to reassure Candace Over and Over again what I say is out of Love no matter what my “Tone” We can be fully certain that Everything Christ says is out of LOVE!! How do you interpret Christ “Tone” to you ?