What is inside of you?

Wow! We are actually down to less than 85 days until our wedding day. On our strive to oneness we are actually having to make real decisions along the process. For instance, how are we paying for the wedding, where are we going to live, how we are going to handle our finances, etc. As we make these serious decisions we really are getting a heavy dose of true intimacy. Like our Pastor's wife constantly states, "Intimacy means just that, (In- to me –u – See)" being in a relationship and actually having to discuss real issues can really bring the realness out of each other. Now, making these small decisions although they seem big to us gives us the opportunity to see what actually makes us tick, and exposes what is actually inside of us. The more Candace and I try to implement the characteristics of Christ in our lives the better we are at interacting together. The Holy Spirit guides us to respond accordingly over and over again. We can only respond consistently with a gentle answer to turn away from conflict/destruction if the Holy Spirit rest within us. Which brings me to my main point on why we need to flee from Sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18) because where Lust, Selfishness, perversion, and the like rest, the Holy Spirit will refuse to rest! The Holy Spirit is all about Love, Giving, and Purity. What’s inside of you?
~Tommy

Influential Woman:

Over the past few weeks I have been realizing how critical of a role my attitude plays in altering the environment of our relationship.Tommy detests a negative/or complaining spirit and for him any kind of complaint without a solution is futile and utterly destructive for a person’s spirit. (Remember, these are my words not his…but from what I gather from our conversations and his response to complaining attitudes, this is the bottom line.)

And truthfully, I agree with him, although sometimes you just want to vent about your day or just your frustrations. I used to think, “yeah, that’s the great part about having a mate: someone to talk to about EVERYTHING, someone to just be truthful and transparent with. But the reality is, no matter how open and transparent your relationship is, your man is not your girlfriend, and most of all he is not God! He has bad days too, and you have to be sensitive to when is right time to vent or simply “express your feelings” and when you should just leave your frustrations at the Father’s feet, and have a quiet and content spirit.

This can be a challenge for me, but as I continue to grow in Christ and also learn my role as a woman, and as a wife-to-be, I am beginning to grasp the concept of truly “Seeking first the Kingdom of Heaven”. You see, if I continue to “VENT, AND VENT, AND VENT” Tommy begins to get worn out and “un-motivated” to talk to me. There is only so much negative talk you can share; you have to use wisdom and realize the power and influence that you as a woman truly have in setting the environment for your male/female relationships.

So as I practice these tools myself, I encourage you ladies to also apply the skill of applying the 5 W’s a little differently:

1. Knowing who to talk to

2. What to share with them

3. Where is the best place to talk

4. When is the right time to bring up the subject

5. Why you’re choosing to share this issue/subject with them.

***Remember, despite how strong, protective, wise, or patient your SuperMan is, he is still just a man, a mere human, and Truthfully, God should be the 1^st one you run to when you’re overwhelmed or stressed, or confused, or whatever! Seeking Christ first will allow you to do all your talking and expressing without talking his ear off, and it will also allow the Holy Spirit to enter your situation and calm you down. And lastly, you will hopefully have received a new direction or solution to your issue that you can positively share with your man.

Most men are problem solvers, so talking just to talk can get really old and frustrating for them, but if you already have a solution, they may be a little more inclined to engage in the conversation, knowing there’s a point to the story, and better yet, that your positively responding to it.

Well I hope this was helpful, I’d love to know your thoughts on the issue.

~Candace

He Lives in You

We are elated and thankful when people tell us this blog is inspirational; but one thing we want to set straight is that this blog is not meant to be inspirational but rather made to be educational. My view of inspirational is when you look at something and have the response of Wow! What they are doing is great. On the contrary, things that are educational not only have you saying wow! What they are doing is great, but I feel empowered & equipped to do the same thing. Our motivation for this blog is not just to share what Candace and I are learning on our journey towards marriage. Instead our motivation to show you what Christ has done in our lives and is capable of doing in yours. If you know Candace or myself then you know that neither one of us has a spotless past, that is until we allowed the Holy spirit to rest inside us to cleanse and forgive us of our past, present, and future. Furthermore, the Holy spirit has defined us and I can think of no better example than this.:
Most of my close friends know that the Lion King is one of my favorite movies, I think it is so much deeper than animation. Specifically I want to concentrate on the part where Simba forgets who he is; and the Baboon (Rafiki) has to remind him of not only who he is but more importantly who he comes from. He comes from MUFASA the KING of PRIDE ROCK! Therefore, that is really what this blog is about a reminder of who we come from the real KING the real ROCK (JESUS CHRIST) It is totally understood that this world has the ability to make us sometimes forget like Simba. Also, like Simba I think its our duty to look deep into our reflection. If we don’t see anything at first I think we need to take Rafiki’s advice and “LOOK HARDER”. Until we are fully convinced that he lives in me and he lives in you (Gen 1:26-29) and understand we are called to be Kings and Queens since we are made in his Image. In conclusion, I would like to restate we are so thankful for your encouraging words, but this blog is so not about us; its more so about the Christ that lives in us. By which empowers us to live this lifestyle of sexual purity. Finally, I have a strong conviction that it is no accident that you’re reading this blog. It is meant for you Yes you! To realize that “He Lives in You”.

~Tommy

“What a Man wants, What a Man needs”

Ladies, I thought I knew, but I had no idea. There is something that the men in our lives need more than love, money, or even sex! It’s RESPECT!!!

I learned this a while back, but over the past few weeks I saw it play out much differently than I had imagined. I thought respect for my fiance was telling him how proud I am of him, and how much I love him, and how excited I am to have him be the leader of our household. When little did I know I wasn’t giving him the respect he truly needed.

According to our marriage counselors, my fiancé, like most men, didn’t need an “A- da boy; great job”, he needed me to trust him, trust his abilities, his judgments, and most of all trust the God in him.

Respect for him is a silent, quiet, respect that speaks louder than words. It’s the stillness of my lips when he makes a “wrong” turn, but I just wait patiently trusting that he knows where he’s going and that we’ll get there ontime, and it’s even the bigger things like trusting that he knows we’re getting married in just as little as 4 months and that he’s setting himself up, with Christ’s help, to be able to provide for our family and give me the security that like most women, I need.

The RESPECT factor is huge to any man, whether it is your significant other, father, uncle, pastor, mentor, or brother. The Men in our lives want to know that we really trust them and even more so, that we trust their relationship with Christ.

So, I share this with you because this personally is a challenge for me; I am very verbal and opinionated, and although I do trust and respect my fiancé, I sometimes talk entirely way too much or just at the wrong time.

These are just a few verses that help me to remember how to respect my fiancé:

Ephesians 5: 33 “ So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must RESPECT her husband.” (New Living Translation)

Proverbs 13:3 “ Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.” (New Living Translation)

Proverbs 10:19 “ Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” (New Living Translation)

~Candace

Blessed to be a Blessing

I’m a firm believer that we as a people are blessed to be a blessing. It is so easy to get so consumed with one self and think that everything that we receive is for us, but I totally beg to differ. I can’t even count the amount of people/couples that have poured into our lives and blessed us and everyday I pray that we will do the same to others. We never know who is watching us and we never know what effects our relationship or actions will have on other people; we can either leave a really bitter taste with someone or a great taste. I hope we leave the latter. The more Candace and I try to strengthen our Christian walk with purity and holiness the more we realize that this really isn’t just about us but it’s about everyone we come into contact with and the generations that will follow us that is trying to build a relationship with Jesus. As we stated at the beginning of this blog to everyone that is being faithful to Christ and is part of this “Worth the Wait Revolution” Wait doesn’t necessarily mean forever. According to our wedding website Candace and I have 123 days left and we can’t wait…I mean we will wait..Ahh you know what I mean…. But seriously, we as believers are called to be the salt of the world (Matthew 5:13) and one of Salts uses is to reduce bitterness. When we come in contact with others by us being the salt we have the opportunity of leaving others feeling bitter or assisting them to feel better.. Do you leave people feeling/ tasting Bitter or Better?

`Tommy

“Learning how to be loved”

This weekend Tommy and I along with his mother visited my family in beautiful Atlanta, GA. It was a fabulous time of fun, excitement, laughter, and love. I couldn’t have asked for a better time of unity. And as I sat in amazement of how awesome and detailed God is, I realized how loved I am by my family and Tommy as well.

With wedding planning all ready and finalized I found myself getting a little too needy and sometimes just plain out wanting too much. Learning how to be loved takes a certain level of humility and that’s what I experienced this weekend. I’m fortunate enough to have wonderfully talented sisters and mother that our wedding was practically custom-made for Tommy and I.

Now there’s a difference between being controlled and being loved; and I’m glad to say that I experience the latter. When someone offers to help you and to do something for you, don’t let pride stop your blessing. We are never too “grown” or too particular to accept someone else’s help and suggestion.

This also does not mean to take advantage of other’s giving; be lead by the Holy Spirit and return to those that which they deserve. When someone decides to pour into your life they are sowing seed with the intent and prayer that it will yield good fruit. So be grateful for the love you receive, use it to produce good fruit and simply enjoy being loved.

Not accepting love is just as prideful as thinking that you deserve it and that it’s your right to receive it.

Receive God’s gift of love ( 1 John 4:16), and as you are lead by the Spirit receive those whom He uses to love you in the natural also.

Sometimes you just have to learn how to be loved!!

~Candace

Tunes From the Heart

A few days ago, someone had the audacity to ask me if Candace and I ever got into arguments or got into disputes. My answer was, “What? Do we? Man, we be going at it much more than either one of us like,” If you know me then you know that I’m a let you know how I feel type person right out the Gate ;I’m pretty much what you see is what you get, and Candace is no slouch in that area either. Therefore, sometimes those two personality traits clash. Yet, I can honestly say that the disputes that we get into are healthy arguments/disagreements that need to be settled. They usually start off with very small offenses that don’t get acknowledged or stated up front that ends up growing into a big conflict. For instance, this past weekend Candace was starting to tell me how she thought one event reminded her of another event when I jumped right in and told her how I begged to differ before she even got to finish her statement. Of course, she was offended but instead of me seizing the opportunity to Apologize I held to my statement and the conflict escalated from there. Then, after a long drawn out sequence of dramatic conversations we got back to the main issue and cleared everything up. So that was my example of being quick to speak and slow to listen. (I learned it doesn’t turnout very well.) I guess that’s why the Good Book says (James 1:19) be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. Not just listening to the person’s words but to their “Heart” behind the words. Be quick to listen to the “Heart”. As we all seize this opportunity of purity we gain a more sensitive ear to the Heart. Are you Sensative to the Tunes from the Heart?

~ Tommy