“Learning how to be loved”

This weekend Tommy and I along with his mother visited my family in beautiful Atlanta, GA. It was a fabulous time of fun, excitement, laughter, and love. I couldn’t have asked for a better time of unity. And as I sat in amazement of how awesome and detailed God is, I realized how loved I am by my family and Tommy as well.

With wedding planning all ready and finalized I found myself getting a little too needy and sometimes just plain out wanting too much. Learning how to be loved takes a certain level of humility and that’s what I experienced this weekend. I’m fortunate enough to have wonderfully talented sisters and mother that our wedding was practically custom-made for Tommy and I.

Now there’s a difference between being controlled and being loved; and I’m glad to say that I experience the latter. When someone offers to help you and to do something for you, don’t let pride stop your blessing. We are never too “grown” or too particular to accept someone else’s help and suggestion.

This also does not mean to take advantage of other’s giving; be lead by the Holy Spirit and return to those that which they deserve. When someone decides to pour into your life they are sowing seed with the intent and prayer that it will yield good fruit. So be grateful for the love you receive, use it to produce good fruit and simply enjoy being loved.

Not accepting love is just as prideful as thinking that you deserve it and that it’s your right to receive it.

Receive God’s gift of love ( 1 John 4:16), and as you are lead by the Spirit receive those whom He uses to love you in the natural also.

Sometimes you just have to learn how to be loved!!

~Candace

Tunes From the Heart

A few days ago, someone had the audacity to ask me if Candace and I ever got into arguments or got into disputes. My answer was, “What? Do we? Man, we be going at it much more than either one of us like,” If you know me then you know that I’m a let you know how I feel type person right out the Gate ;I’m pretty much what you see is what you get, and Candace is no slouch in that area either. Therefore, sometimes those two personality traits clash. Yet, I can honestly say that the disputes that we get into are healthy arguments/disagreements that need to be settled. They usually start off with very small offenses that don’t get acknowledged or stated up front that ends up growing into a big conflict. For instance, this past weekend Candace was starting to tell me how she thought one event reminded her of another event when I jumped right in and told her how I begged to differ before she even got to finish her statement. Of course, she was offended but instead of me seizing the opportunity to Apologize I held to my statement and the conflict escalated from there. Then, after a long drawn out sequence of dramatic conversations we got back to the main issue and cleared everything up. So that was my example of being quick to speak and slow to listen. (I learned it doesn’t turnout very well.) I guess that’s why the Good Book says (James 1:19) be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. Not just listening to the person’s words but to their “Heart” behind the words. Be quick to listen to the “Heart”. As we all seize this opportunity of purity we gain a more sensitive ear to the Heart. Are you Sensative to the Tunes from the Heart?

~ Tommy

Sexual Tension: Re-directed

Hi, hope ya'll have been blessed by the stories and thoughts Tommy and I share so openly with you; it's been almost 7 months since our first blog and I'm so flabbergasted by all that God has done in our lives and the lives of you all, the blog readers. I pray that God will continue to inspire us and use us to bless your lives.

So with that said, I want to share with ya'll the consistent reminder that I have been receiving from sources that will go unnamed… of the importance of really spending time in God's presence daily. Now before I go on, let me preface this by saying that this is not a "quick-fix" or a "get out of temptation free" tool, but rather just the will of God for our and your lives.

Alrighty, so the other day I realized that Tommy and I had been really "good" if you would, as it pertains to our sexual purity; my thought –life was pure, we overall or at least I didn't experience any recent sexual urges or temptations..To God be the Glory. But when I began praising God for that, especially thinking about how close we are to being married and how difficult it can be to really "run from sexual sin" (1 Corinthians 6:18) and to live " holy" (1 Thessalonians 4:3), I said "wow, God this is really great!"

I thought about if there was anything we did that was different than in the months past: had we not been spending that much time together? But that wasn't the case; the truth of the matter is that we had both been consistently and faithfully seeking God's face. God exchanged and redirected our sexual tension with His Attention. And as not to boast in ourselves, because it's the Holy Spirit that draws you to the Lord (1 Corinthians 12:3), but our thoughts and actions were so on Christ, that we did not make time for distractions.

Now yes, of course distractions came and I'm sure will continue to come right up until we say "I Do", but honestly staying fed by God and exercising it with others: believers in Christ and non-believers helped to keep us in right-standing with God.

So, I hope that was helpful to many of you who may be struggling in this area, but for those of you who have had success with this, we'd love to get your feedback of this question:

Q: How do you allow God to participate in the sexual tension re-routing and re-directing process in your daily lives?

~ Candace

Network!!!

Ohhh My!! Ohhh My!! 2009 is getting real. What a Great year it has been thus far, we've gained a New President, The Pittsburgh Steelers just won the Superbowl, and I'm getting married in a little over 5 Months I mean it's getting real if it isn't already. For Candace and myself, wedding planning is going great everything seems to be in order, payments are being made, invitations are going out; this wedding stuff is going as smooth as possible. We can give a tremendous amount of credit to Candace's SISTERS, our families; and a host of friends for helping us with this. It is so comforting to be covered and surrounded with so much Love and prayer. No matter what phase we are at in life it is a must that our network consist of a host of people that will encourage, uplift, and strengthen us with truthful words that we need to hear. Not words that we want to hear but words that we need to hear. I'm more than grateful that we have that. To keep this blog short and sweet. I Corinthians 15:33 says "Bad Company corrupts Good Character" If we want to make this year as great as it possible can be, we all need to stay away from "Bad Company" and instead surround ourselves with people that will give us Prophetic words not Pathetic words. We are still about saving lives now! We must remember to be supported with Good Character before we try to save Bad Company. My Network is way better than Verizon. Who's in your Network?

~ Tommy

Time

Don't be discouraged by the interruptions in your time and planning. As frustrating and annoying as it can be, see them as opportunities for your growth and submission to God. I share this with you out of my personal challenges and tests of surrendering "my time" to God. When my plans are interrupted or just totally thrown out the window, I'm reminded that I am directed by God and His timing is best. For me, I am beginning to enjoy and accept Tommy as God's provision for my need for companionship.

I think everyone needs that one person who is like your cheerleader and a source of encouragement, especially during the times of frustration when you feel like your plans have been totally discarded. My fiance really fulfills that need for companionship and support. God knows "exactly what you need even before you ask" (Matthew 6:32) so not only should you trust God when your life is"interrupted," but also learn to enjoy and receive your spouse as God's perfect provision for your need for you, especially during those times.

~Candace

"A Woman without her Man is nothing"

Depending on your own experiences or even how you view me will probably determine how you interpret or think about this title.

This weekend while Candace and I were out in D.C. a older lady came up to us after seeing that we were engaged and said " See I think every man has a rib out there somewhere and when you two walked into the room I could tell you two were together." Then she proceeded after many other words to say, "and Young Man I think you found your rib!"

It is so unique and amazing to me how Christ took the Rib out of the Man to create the Woman, and then births Men out of Women to create this complete circle of life. Therefore, he made us so relational that we need both of us, male and female in order to exist; we are compliments of one another. I'm sure there is a reason why Candace can hold a conversation longer than I can, and there is a reason I think big picture while Candace thinks details; it is needed for us to reach a level of fullness together.

Our Pastor Donnell Jones (Not the singer) put it best to us one day; the Bible says in a marriage two become one not the same, so just like a Nut and a Bolt are two separate individual items, but when put together they make perfect unity. So is a Husband and Wife. You may be asking "How does this all tie back into Sexual Purity?" Well by not giving yourself away before you are married and have made a total commitment to each other, it forces you to not only begin to acknowledge each others’ differences but it also opens up the door for you to be able to appreciate each others’ differences. So for us as individuals, we need to work on our qualities that we will bring to the circle so we can help fulfill. For couples, we should try to focus on what our mate contributes to our fulfillment. Our God is such a relational God and I truly believe he puts people in our lives so we can get extra glimpses of who he really is. So as Candace and I move towards our onedom (if you will, if that's a word), All I can say is

"A Woman, without her, Man is Nothing". or

"A Woman, without her Man, is nothing".

I think both of them fit, you pick.

~ Tommy

“Taking Care of Business”

Wow, where do I begin… So much has transpired since our last blog. I could share with you my experience of being a supportive fiancé and friend to Tommy during the passing of his last grandparent, or how stressful the financial portion of planning a wedding can be, or even how testing it is sometimes to learn the importance of really work as one, or most recently the pressing attention needed to have clear communication with one another. But instead I have decided to share with you my gratitude to have Tommy as my friend and soon-to-be husband. Ladies, there is nothing more appealing to me right now than his astounding humility and intentional love for me!

I am seriously in awe of how humble he is; now often times when we argue it’s because of something that I messed up on (and no, right or wrong should never be the focus of a disagreement), but who likes to be wrong? Anyway, growing in Christ with Tommy has really taught me how to live in excellence and in love. He’s not too proud to admit or to apologize when he makes a mistake or realizes he didn’t respond in love. That blows my mind; the Bible says that … “Husbands are to treat their wives like Christ treats the church…” and Tommy is truly an example of that word.

It is my advice to you to always speak up and tell those around you and especially your partner of your admiration for them. And as humble as they may be, it’s always encouraging to know that you appreciate and notice their effort in loving you. After listening to a sermon by Pastor Bryan E. Crute and Lynette Crute of Destiny Metropolitan Church in Atlanta, GA, I learned the importance of respect and admiration towards your husband. This word really touched me; it reminded me that nothing is ever too small to celebrate and your man is probably just praying and wishing you notice his effort to love you.

Don’t be like the wife in T.D. Jake’s new film “Not Easily Broken”; don’t ignore and push your man so far away that he finds the need to look for love and respect outside your marriage. Ask yourself, “Who’s taking care of your man?”

I know I am!!! And I pray and declare that no one else will ever have to answer that question for me.

~ Candace