"The Present"

"Yesterday Is History, Tomorrow Is A Mystery, Today Is A Gift That's Why We Call It The Present.”

Since it is the week of Christmas I thought it would be fitting to write something about “Gifts” the book of Proverbs says: “Do not boast about tomorrow for we do not know what a day may bring forth”. On the contrary, Paul said: “He forgets what was behind him and strains toward what’s ahead”. So if we shouldn’t concern ourselves about tomorrow and yet we shouldn’t look backwards,what should we do? I guess we should focus on today. Today, I asked Candace if she was enjoying the season of our Engagement and she said, “ Yes!” I’m glad because I think that’s all we need to worry about for now. Our future Forecast marriage and our past showcased dating which in reality neither means too much right now. So, today Candace and I are engaged and I guess we don’t just need to focus on stirring “it” up But Stirring up our “Gift” of Today in particular. What has God blessed us with right now that we need to focus on stirring up? My friend who is married gave me some great advice and encouragement about why waiting to get married before having sex is so key he said, “ It’s the only time that we get to build these spiritual and physical muscles” and after hearing that it just made sense I don’t want to wait until marriage to learn how to listen/communicate to my wife or wait to learn how to give love and affection without wanting something in return. Can it be learned in marriage? Yes, of course but why wait? Have you ever tried to study for a test after the teacher passed it out? I have, and it doesn’t work very well. Better yet if you’re an athlete have you ever tried to workout or train after the game has started? I haven’t but I would love to play against an opponent that did. What are we doing for our off-season workouts? How are we preparing for our test to come? We should be getting ready, developing that character, kindness, patience, and gentleness. Get ready now! Whether if we are Single,Dating, Engaged, or Married we shouldn’t be worried about our past nor future, we should be concerned about our “Gift” called Today.

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your Gift!

~ Tommy

Stir It Up!

Earlier in the week I was feeling really bored with my life; I felt like, “wow, I do the same thing day in- day out… work, church, home…time with Tommy…time with friends…and quickly I return back to work.”I started comparing my life to that of some people on facebook; some folks appeared to being having so much fun, their lives looked so interesting. Bottom line, I was being deceived by the enemy that my life somehow was boring because everything I do almost always rounds back to church and my relationship building with Tommy.

I was feeling really discouraged, but after spending some time in the Bible reading up on who God says I am and soaking in some great advice from an awesome friend of mine, Dr. Lindsay Marsh, my eyes were opened and I realized that, “No! my life is not boring, and Yes! Praise God it’s centered around the things it is centered around!...I am who I am because that’s who God has called me to be! I am in the position I am in because that’s the place God has for me at this divine moment in my life…and how dare I even entertain the destructive ideas of satan that something is somehow wrong about spending the substantial amount of time that I do building relationship with the man whom I will spend the rest of my earthly life with!

The Devil is a liar and he indeed “comes to steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10). He wants to cripple your thoughts and get you off the path of righteousness to instead lead you to “a path that seems right…but leads only to death”(Proverbs 14:12).

I urge you my brothers and sisters to not “grow weary in well doing” (2Thessalonians 3:13). There is absolutely nothing wrong with living a God-centered and God-focused life. In fact that’s exactly what you should be doing, but if you’re like me and you find yourself feeling a little stale every now and then, then feel free to spice it up! Stir it up! Change it up!

“Go to a restaurant you’ve never been to before, dye your hair, put on some makeup, cut your hair, go shopping, take a fun class, get salsa lessons, take a weekend trip….” The list goes on and on; either way do something to get things going for you again.

Minister Lindsay told me that according to her Pastor Mike Freeman, “if you want something better, you have to do something different.”

I have been so inspired now to really take a hold to that advice and just add a little splash of color to my life. I know that I can’t expect for excitement to just show up on my door step, I have to go out and get it.

So take a second and first thank God for where He has you right now, “in all situations [learn] to be content” (Philipians 4:11 ), second, get off facebook for a little while; stop researching the lives of others and start living yours, and lastly, dive in and discover what gets you excited and stir it up!
~Candace

Max-Out!!

A few weeks ago I read Dr. Lindsay Marsh’s Book “Best Sex of My Life” a Guide to Sexual Purity. I thought the book was great it gives great practical knowledge for keys to living a sexually pure life. As for me, before I had this crazy idea that sexual purity ended once you got married; I had this insane mindset that once you got married you could have all the sex that you wanted, so I just thought it made sense that sexual purity was over once the wedding bands went on the fingers. On the contrary, I learned that Sexual purity does not have an expiration date but it is a lifestyle. Things that can have an effect on us outside of marriage if not dealt with can have a huge effect on the relationship after marriage. Examples being the music we listen to, masturbation, pornography, and anything we allow our eyes to see or our ears to hear that doesn’t glorify God. I heard someone say once, that the devil does whatever possible to make you have sex before marriage and whatever possible to prevent you from having sex after marriage. With that being said I take it upon myself to make sure I don’t give the devil any opportunity to ruin the “Best Sex of my Life”. How do I try to do this? By getting a clear distinct definition of what Sex actually is created for and that definition can only be given by its creator. The Definition: SEX- is designed to be shared between a Male and a Female after they have made a Covenant with one another. Anything other than that we’re cutting ourselves short and we’re not reaching our maximum potential of enjoyment. I want to reach my max in life How about you?

~ Tommy

"Truth"

Who is the judge?

The judge is God.

Why is he God?

Because he decides who wins or loses. Not my opponent.

Who is your opponent?

He does not exist.

Why does he not exist?

Because he is a mere dissenting voice of the truth I speak!”

My dad has this saying that has stuck with me for years; he says, “Speak the truth, speak it ever, call it what you will. He who hides the wrong he does, does the wrong thing still.”

I gather from this quote that whether you speak it or not, the truth still exists.

My auntie Regna has taught me that if you want to be able to distinguish the truth from a lie, you study the real thing, so that the counterfeit will be easy to spot. Studying the truth takes a lot of commitment and along with it sometimes comes hurt feelings and shame.

There’s something about hearing the truth that can be really difficult. I don’t know about you but hearing the truth about my faults and areas of much needed growth is pretty painful. I mean, deep down inside whether verbalized or not, you already know what you would like to work on about yourself! But actually hearing it is even more real. But ladies and gentlemen at the end of the day it’s all about the work that God is doing in you and it doesn’t matter the person He chooses to speak through.

But for me I have been blessed to have Tommy as God’s truth -speaking mouth piece. And oooh boy his truth is real. We’ve shared with you before about the importance of tone, but even when the truth is spoken in love, the way he does so well, bottom line is it’s still the truth! I’m learning that true love tells the truth and true love listens to the truth. After all as my soon to be husband , who better than to tell me the truth despite the temporary pain I may feel. As my husband he will be the example of Christ and I will be the example of the church (Ephesians 5:25 ) And the Word of God says that Christ is, “...the way, the truth, and the life...” (John 14:5) To accompany Christ as the truth, 1John 5:16 says that, “God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them...(verse 17) and as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.”

So what am I saying? I’m saying that no matter how badly the truth sometimes hurts, as Tommy lives in God and we prepare to be ambassadors for God’s design for marriage (a mirror image of His relationship with us the church), then the truth he speaks helps to grow our love for God and one another more perfect!

So don’t get upset or frustrated with the person that tells you the truth; after all they are not your opponent, your opponent does not exist! They are just the mouth-piece chosen by God, who is the judge.

~Candace

Vision

Over the past week Candace and I mapped out a vision for our marriage and I also made a list of goals for myself as well. I already have July 18^th 2059 marked on my calendar because that will be the day we celebrate our 50^th yr wedding anniversary. Candace is really good at mapping out her vision on paper while for me this is my first time but I would encourage everyone to do so. The word of God says: write down your vision on a tablet and make it plain so other may run with it. Therefore, with that being said we wanted to make our vision very simple and suitable for our children’s children’s children to be able to take it and run with it. We want to clearly make the declaration that all generational curses end with us at least any that we’re capable of ending. A declaration like that can only be accomplished by having a God ordained vision. The Pastors at our church put a lot of emphasis on passing the baton to the next generation like in a track meet and we don’t want our next generation to have to start with the baton out of the starting blocks but we want them to already be running and for it to be a simple exchange from us to them so they can take it and run with it. Writing out a vision doesn’t just give us a clear understanding of what we want out of life, but better yet it gives us a very clear description of what we don’t want out of life. So whether if you’re single or in a relationship you should map out a vision for qualities that you are looking for in a mate, or out of a relationship, and for your future. Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see . What don’t you see that you are hoping for??

~ Tommy

Godly Counsel is Paramount!!

Wow, I cannot begin to tell you how important it is to truly and proactively seek Godly counsel. Throughout our relationship Tommy and I have made a great effort to build relationship with leaders in the body of Christ that will be able and available to guide us through this new experience of engagement and future marriage. Whether it was reading books or just spending time with mentors from church, we knew that we needed support and additional perspectives in order to make this thing work.

And after experiencing our first “official” pre-marital counseling with a couple from our church, I am truly blown at the fact that people can really commit to a marriage without ever going through any kind of counseling or even a relationship building with Christ.

God is truly at the center of marriage and if you don’t have His heart about it, then you might as well sign the pre-nup and hang on for the ride that’s a downward ending slope; that’s after you tried to keep it exciting with sex and all.

This thing called marriage is NO Joke!!! Our meeting with the counselors really brought to light the reality of marriage and the joys and pains that will inevitably come along with it. I’ve heard it time and time again how marriage is real work, but I’m putting on my Timberlands and tightening my tool belt because it’s gonna take some serious submission and elbow grease for two imperfect people to exemplify God’s perfect union and display of His relationship with us as His children.

I’m realizing more and more each day how paramount it is for me to be on my A-game in order to contribute to our future marriage. I know I can’t get there alone so I’m glad we have Godly counsel to help us along the way.

~ Candace.

His-tory! ..Makes History

“The Worth The Wait Revolution" is having a model call this weekend, where Candace and I will be sharing our testimony. So, If you have a Heart for Sexual purity which I know you do because that’s God’s Heart; and you’re interested in serving and ministering to people Please come out! Check this link for more details. (www.iamworththewait.com)

Over this past week I’ve seen 50 cent Newspaper’s “Worth” go off the charts! So I asked myself: Why is that? For some people it was the historical aspect, others wanted to be able to show their children what they were apart of, and others got the papers because they thought it would be “Worth” a lot of something long down the road. I mean these papers are already going for $200 plus on E-Bay, which I think is pretty tight. But if we can imagine how a newspaper that a day before November 5^th or a day after is only “Worth” Picking up a dogs poop can be enhanced by a historical life changing event imagine how much a persons self “Worth” can be enhanced when it is identified with Christ, and “THE HISTORICAL LIFE CHANGING EVENT”. Can we imagine the historical aspect of living the way Christ has called us to live? Can we imagine passing down the Legacy of Sexual Purity to our children, and showing them the way a true marriage is to be displayed? Can we imagine sharing with people not what they think they will be “Worth” down the road but what Christ actually promises we are “Worth” today ? I personally didn’t get this newspaper that could be “Worth” so much in the future, and has so much historical significance, but my Bride to be (Candace) did, so luckily I didn’t miss-out on this historical opportunity but I’m pretty sure I would have been fine without my newspaper. On the contrary, one opportunity I refuse to miss-out on is being apart of “His-tory” and living my life to have a lasting impact on “His-tory”. My questions are who are you letting define your “Worth”? Is it Christ? Or some other outside forces?

~ Tommy

What happens when the things you thought were dead, keep coming up alive in your relationship?

Wow, I cannot even begin to tell you how much your past can really challenge your present and future relationships. There is so much in my past that I thought I had really dealt with, until Tommy and I began to dig deep into the conflict and communication break downs between us. We’ve all heard it before that “women are more emotional than men and that we carry all our emotional baggage around” and inadvertently smacking every new relationship in the face, walking around saying, “oh I’m sorry, ooh didn’t mean to do that….” Until the person finally walks away thinking to themselves, “Whoa…I’m so tired of getting smacked in the face and hearing all these apologies, yet still getting hit for no APPARENT reason (Apparent being the key word).

The baggage that I have wasn’t always so visible; I think for some of us (if I can speak for the women) our “baggage” is sometimes just put in a new or different bag like a wristlet or a wallet. It gets so clouded and cluttered by the things that make us feel good (like the lip gloss, and makeup) that you don’t even realize it’s in there. It’s kind of like your driver’s license. I hardly every even think to check that it’s in my purse; when I go into my bag it’s not ever to get my license, it’s to get some lip gloss or body spray, or gum. If you think about it, most of the times you’re asked to show your ID, it’s to verify or prove something (and for me an uncomfortable feeling); like being pulled over for speeding, or trying to buy alcohol or get into a club and you’re under age. In all of those instances just the idea of having to pull out your ID makes you a little nervous and that after taking it out the first thing you want to do is to put it right back in your purse, and the last thing you want is for you to be denied access because your license “baggage” has been denied.

In my present circumstance, my baggage from previous relationships and my feelings of insecurity and fear, have been tucked away in a small/unused compartment of my purse (life and heart), and now that I have iron (Tommy) trying to sharpen iron (me), I’m being forced to really dig deep and verify some things in my heart: why I do certain things, and why I think a certain way. And as sharp as that iron is sometimes, and as quickly as I sometimes just want to put my baggage away, I have to really attack the issues at heart and let God do the true renovation and beautification that’s required for me to live freely.

Don’t just get your issues a new bag to sit in, rather un -zip the bag, pour it all out on a table (it doesn’t have to be all at once) , and honestly share the issues so that you can be well- sharpened; ready to cut through even the hardest things in life.

~ Candace

"TONE DEAF"???

First and Foremost, we would like to apologize for our hiatus, but wedding planning and marriage preparation has taken rank over the blog for the past couple of weeks. Next, we would like to thank you all for the encouraging emails, facebook notes, and posts. It is uplifting for Candace and I to know that God is using this blog to advance His kingdom. I would also like to reiterate how this blog is open for discussion; our hearts behind this blog is not only to help others trying to advance their relationship with Christ, but to grow within ourselves as well. Finally, I would like to say we will be more consistent from here on out with a weekly blog post where Candace and I will be alternating. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO HOLD US ACCOUNTABLE!!!

So for this Week I would really just like to share what Christ has been working on in me lately. I’m really excited about marriage not just for the Fringe benefits, but really to see the next level that Christ has called me to be at. Women have to go from submitting to God to submitting to an imperfect human (Wish Candace Good-Luck with that) While Men must learn how to treat their wives with the Compassion, Kindness, and Grace that Christ treats the Church with and for me I can already tell this will be a battle. Now, one thing that the Married Men that I have pouring into my life have been teaching me is how God places your mate with you to pull out qualities in you that you could not have pulled out of yourself by yourself. In other words, your spouse will have the ability to point out your strengths and weaknesses in places you cant see them. Therefore, in our relationship one of the weakness that Candace has pointed out in me is my “Tone” Over and Over again she has restated to me “ Its not what you say, Its How you say it” and I have to almost always re frame my statement to make sure it is expressed out of Love not anger. I write all this to ask …”How do we interpret Gods “Tone”? Or a better question “How do we misinterpret it? When I misinterpret Gods heart and “Tone” behind the true design for Sex it kind of makes me feel like I’m missing out on something, but in reality the only thing I’m missing out on is Gods Loving heart and “Tone”. When I flip Gods “Tone” from a reprimanding Father that’s Screams “NO YOU CANT HAVE SEX” To a Loving Father’s voice that simple states “You can have it, but just not Yet” It makes it simpler for me to not go away thinking ahh Man I cant do that!! …But Understanding ohh he’s trying to protect me from Heartache, losing friendships, and trying to bless me with the ability to communicate with my future spouse so we don’t rely on Sex for our marriage to work. “Sex is a by product of marriage, marriage is not a by product of Sex” So while I have to reassure Candace Over and Over again what I say is out of Love no matter what my “Tone” We can be fully certain that Everything Christ says is out of LOVE!! How do you interpret Christ “Tone” to you ?

The "1"

What Your Engaged? Are you sure?, Wait, How old are you ? There are so many females why settle for one? Why? Ahhh that’s great! Good luck with that…Wait, Why again?? That’s Cool!! .. Well how do you know you’ve found “The One “???
All typical conversations I go through now being engaged. No matter who or wherever I’m conversing with someone if the Subject that I’m engaged comes up it usually leads down the path of these responses. Here and Now, I will concentrate on the last question which seems to come up the most. How do you know you‘ve found “The ONE”. I ’m always tempted to answer the question with “I don’t I’m just gonna try my LUCK and see how it goes “. Although being the closest thing to the TRUTH that answer always seems as if it would draw an entertaining response back, even though that is the reality that most people asking that question are living in as they speak. The answer most people are content with is “You Just Know” so that’s usually what I give them but the Real answer goes much deeper than that. One thing Candace and I had established early in our relationship was that we are each other’s # 2’s with Jesus being each of our # 1 ( Not a bad person to come in second place to.) Once, we had noticed in each other that we both had already found “THE ONE” it was very easy for us to slide into our vacant # 2 spots. The Cool thing about Jesus being in your #1 spot is that there is no higher standard that your #2 can ask of you that isn’t already required of you. So if you find someone that is fully submitted to that #1 spot it’s very easy to know if you’ve found “The One “ or not …”You just Know”!!!!… LUCK is when Preparation meets Opportunity…
My questions: Who are you preparing for someone who Knows “THE ONE” or someone you want to be “THE ONE”???? Who are you trying your LUCK on??
~ Tommy

"Red Light, Green Light, 123"

I’m so annoyed right now because the blog I just typed for ya’ll is completely gone, Word shut down and took with it my blog, so now I’m starting from scratch. I hope it’s as good as the last. lol
So I was talking about how Tommy and I made the decision not to kiss (like on the lips) until our wedding day. Some may think it’s extreme or just plain silly, but for us it’s a choice we made a year and eight months ago because we know ourselves and we understand the difference between something being “permissible and beneficial” (1corinthians 6:12)

I mean, for some people kissing is like an alternative hug and for others it’s the closest thing to having sex. For me I know kissing is just going to leave me wanting more and more and more, and …well you get the point. Lol As said by minister Lindsay Marsh, “we weren’t created to have to stop,” and I am a true believer of that…let’s finish what we started you know what I mean.
Anyway, to be honest Tommy is the first person I have ever made such a commitment with, and it wasn’t easy making the decision, nor is it easy keeping it. I mean, for the most part it’s been cool, but I know I’m not the only one that gets “physically frustrated” sometimes and simply wants to have sex. And ladies and gentlemen, being engaged makes it no easier. The idea of being married in only 10 months and knowing that you’ll be able to have all the sex , and do all the kissing you want, really messes a sistah’s mind up. I mean, Wow!
Just the idea of being able to make love with the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with, and being able to then get up and joyfully go to church or say a quick prayer about how great the sex was, completely blows my mind.
And ladies and gents, that’s partly what keeps me committed, not to mention the public commitment we have made. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not about showing others how strong or pure we can be, but it’s really about knowing and following God’s voice that leads you as an individual. Not everyone has felt that tug on their heart to make such a commitment, so I’m not here to tell you how to make that decision. But I am here as a human being that is working by God’s grace with my fiance’ to stay true to a major commitment.

When it really boils down to it, I have to be real with myself and I have to analyze the set up of the battle. Is it just about Tommy and I or is it bigger than us? How will this choice to break this commitment affect even bigger commitments in our marriage? And the list goes on.
If I’m willing to let this commitment go by the way side all for a quick tease that I know can’t really satisfy me, than will I allow just a little online porn in our home, or even just a casual lunch date with a co-worker….
So instead of practicing how to be unfaithful, Tommy and I chose to practice faithfulness to one another and to Christ.
So when times get rough and your contemplating just a little this…a little that…really challenge yourself to look past the moment and look into your future. Is it all about you or is there an even bigger picture that’s being clouded by that strong desire to be sexually and emotionally satisfied.
And just little tip: if you find yourself second guessing or thinking really hard on something, you should probably stick to your guns and not do whatever you’re thinking about doing.
It’s kind of like driving: some things are really obvious like Don’t go through the RED light, Definitely go through the GREEN light,…but when you get to a YELLOW light it gets a little sticky for some; if you’re like me you tend to hesitate on going through or deciding to stop. But all in all you know you should just stop, and the whole 2 seconds that you’re trying to make the light before it turns RED, you’re praying and hoping to God there wasn’t a cop there or at least that the flash you just saw in your rear view mirror wasn’t the remains of a photo of your license plate. Lol
So I do what I know is best for me: I say what I’m feeling out loud, I remind myself why I’m keeping to my commitment, and I try to move out of the circumstance that is making me want to take the risk and go through that yellow light.
We have to step our game up; we aren’t 8 and 9 years old anymore and “red light, green light 123” isn’t something we do to past time by, it’s our future!

~ Candace

Over this past Holiday Weekend Candace and I got asked a question about our Boundaries. Basically the question was "How X-TREME are they?" And "Why?" Throughout our relationship we have gotten crazy type advice on setting boundaries some we have taken some we have ignored. Examples being Not Hugging, Kissing or even holding hands. Others, not being together one-on-one, having curfews, and plenty more. Boundaries are important and setting X-TREME boundaries are really great to keep you from falling into temptation. A prime example of this is shown by Adam& Eve. If you read Genesis closely you can see the X-TREME boundary that they had in place. Gods command to Adam was to simply not eat from the Tree of The Knowledge of Good and Evil (Gen2:17). But later, (Gen 3:3) Eve insisted to the serpent that they couldn't even touch the tree or else they would surely die(I'd say a X-TREME boundary ). They took their Boundary one step further; I'm pretty sure if they would have stayed true to their X-TREME boundary and not have even touched the tree they wouldn't have had a problem with not eating the fruit. While all boundaries are different for all relationships. The questions really are "Do you Set X-TREME boundaries?" "Are they clearly stated?" and "Do you hold true to them?" Or can any smooth talking serpent come up to you and knock over your boundaries?

~Tommy

Question

Candace and I had already established that we were “Worth the Wait” to ourselves before we met. But when we found the person whom we thought Christ actually had us waiting for; waiting got just a little bit harder. Please join us in this open dialog as we navigate towards marriage.
Our Vision for this Blog is to be a sense of Encouragement to others who are also waiting, and testify that God is faithful. Also, we will help to share and learn Practical Wisdom on ways to stay out of compromising situations. Finally, to share our unique testimony of our relationship; discussing the ways that we have failed in our walk with sexual purity, and more importantly the areas in which we have overcame struggles and have grown towards Christ in our success in sexual purity and other areas as well...Please stay connected with us and hold us accountable. I would like to Spark this off by asking a simple question..
“ What do you look forward to gain out of this Blog”? Ideas, Thoughts and Concerns…
P.S. If your not interested in what I wrote then be sure to know that Candace will be writing on here soon so stay tuned for that. Her insert will probably be a bit more interesting than mine.
~Tommy