"Prayer Changes Things"

36 days until “THE BIG DAY” Through pre-marital counseling one of the many great things we learned was how to pray with each other. All of our counselors recommended that we pray together at least once a week if not more. Candace and I haven’t been as consistent as we would like at this and it reflects in our relationship and how we interact with others. Our marriage prep counselors taught us a 3 part prayer to do in 6 minutes 3:6. 3 different parts 1 minute each ( cause yal know how some people be trying to pray forever.) The first parts is about the things we are THANKFUL for ; Part 2 are the areas we need to REPENT in and Part 3 we PRAY FOR OUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. Strong, Quick, and Powerful all one minute each, 3 parts. 3:6. This morning Candace took the initiative to make sure we did and I’m very grateful for that because it revealed a lot to me. First, it showed me that it gives us the ability to affirm each other on a consistent basis. Next, I noticed it reveals to us the areas that we know that we messed up in so the other doesn’t have to go out of our way to try to point out that area. We can have faith that GOD is working it out. Then, it gives us the opportunity to encourage and uplift one another in areas that we need it. Finally, and most importantly it keeps GOD in the center of our relationship. With 36 days left until we are officially "ONE" we are trying to implement 3:6 into our relationship on a more consistent basis. Feel free to hold us accountable. "Prayer Changes things."

~Tommy

Six tips for being Six weeks out

The events leading up to the wedding can be so much fun; this weekend I had my first bridal shower , next weekend will be the Atlanta bridal shower, Tommy and I will sign the lease to our new apartment, and then before we know it we’ll be back in Atlanta for our wedding!

As things begin to speed up, I have created a reminder list for myself on how to stay focused over the next six weeks before our wedding. Like any big experience, you know that there is often a calming before the storm and you must guard yourself and your heart so as to not be distracted. After all, “the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.”

Here are my top 6 tips for being 6 weeks out:

1. Remain Accountable: Stay covered and grounded; these are the weeks when you’re waiting season seems so close to its end, and you have to continue to remind and encourage yourself that “your fruit will bear in due season” (Psalms 1:3) Sometimes I get so excited and anxious about our marriage, that I forget to simply enjoy the season that we are currently in. We have to tighten our belts and use wisdom in how we spend our time together.

2. Remain in a disciple relationship: My mom and I have been reading Stormie Omartian’s book, “The Power of a Praying Wife.” This has been a great opportunity for my mom and I to both grow and also for her to pour into me as I transition into a new phase of womanhood (as corny as that may sound). It’s been a great read and helps me to prepare. I know that there are only so many books and studies that you can take part in, and that the real experience comes from just experiencing marriage, but use the resources around you to at least build up some reserves.

3. Have fun!!!! Enjoy the showers and the gifts, and the time “being single.” Not that, marriage puts you in some type of crazy bondage, but just enjoy the season of being single!

4. Stay prayed up! Continue to fill yourself with the Word of God. God’s word and the Holy Spirit is really what is carrying me at this point. It’s been easy for me to get distracted by the stresses of work and the attractive lingerie. Lol I have to stay in the word of God. Now I’m not really a morning person, and there are different views on when is a good time to seek God, but really yes you can seek Him anytime and you should seek Him all throughout the day, but giving Him your attention first thing in the morning, I believe will help to keep you covered and focused before you even step out into the world of chaos. I didn’t really get this concept until I tried it, and it made all the difference in how I started my day.

5. Love your fiancé, but don’t get too lovey –dovey with him. Ladies, yes he is a Christian, but he is also a man, and you can be sure that his hormones are raging and ready to really “minister” to you! So just be conscious of the subtle things you may do, say, or wear, that can possibly trigger something in your man. And of course it’s different for everyone, you just have to study and learn your partner.

6. Tie up any loose financial ends: make sure you are both clear on how you will be stewards of your money both for your lives as a married couple and also for the remaining wedding and housing expenses. Communication is really the key in this area. Don’t purchase or make any financial decisions without consulting your fiancé especially if it affects you both. This is not just, “oh why do I have to get permission?” it’s simply out of respect and a form of protection for you. Shoot, if you haven’t gotten the idea that it’s not just about you anymore and that you need to communicate your choices, then the next 6 weeks is a great time to get that revelation.

Love ya’ll; talk to you during week 4.

~ Candace

Who's The Bride?

In Ephesians 5:31-33 Paul states to the Ephesians church, “ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh: This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the Church. However each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.”

Every time I read that passage I’m amazed by Paul’s wisdom. Also, every time I read this verse I’m encouraged to become better. A better Man, & a better Fiance' (soon to be Husband.) The more I understand that I’m a part of the church ( Christ's Bride) and I see how he treats his bride (me) the standard I set for myself rises that much higher on how I should treat my Bride. To his Bride he’s always gentle, compassionate, patient, humble, encouraging, and forgiving; he makes his bride pure. That’s the kind of Husband I inspire to be like, I want to be like Christ. I want to treat my Bride the way that Christ treats us; I believe anything else is missing the mark. Although, I know it’s easier said than done I’m willing to try. Every time I’m offended by Candace I begin to hear a small voice in my head that says,“Why or how does she do that to me?” But not even a split moment later I also get a conviction in my Heart from the Holy Spirit that states why and how do you do that to me. Instantly I know I must forgive her and Love her with all my heart. Even though, I still don’t respond as speedy and prompt as I should, this is where I’m growing at in life.

“Although I’m nowhere close to where I need to be. I strive to treat my Bride to be, the same way Christ treats the bride in me.”

How do you want to be like Christ?

~Tommy

“I like you”

Hi, I can’t believe our wedding is less than 59 days away. It is absolutely amazing to see the transformation God has done in us over the last 2 + years.

I don’t think it’s actually hit me yet that I’ll have the marvelous responsibility of being a wife, and some day mother, but this week I want to share with you some of the things God has revealed to me throughout our courtship.

During this 2+ years, I have grown to understand a little bit more about how selfish I can be at times, and truth be told, I don’t think you know how selfish you really are until you have to share with someone else. Tommy has learned the importance of how to speak truth in love, and how to express his love for me in a way that I can receive it, whether that be through affirmation or a hug.

And truly, the list goes on. And I’m sure we will continue to grow, shed layers, and be molded by God into the best woman/wife/mother, and man/husband/father He wants us to be in the coming years of marriage.

Another thing that I have realized lately is just how much fun I have with Tommy. We have these really crazy laughing spells sometimes that we just can’t control. I mean, if there’s one thing I love to do, it’s to laugh! And what a pleasure it is to be able to experience such joy with your friend and soon-to-be spouse. Now as ya’ll know from our previous blog entries, it’s not always laughs, but as the book of Ecclesiates says, there is a time for everything, and I’m glad we get to experience both sadness and laughter. I appreciate so much more the times when we are in our “Happy Place” as our marriage counselors call it.

In addition God has reminded me just how nice of a person Tommy is and how fortunate I am to have him as a friend and a future husband. I mean, one day we were on the phone together and I just had this Ah-ha moment of, “wow, you’re just so nice, I just like you….I mean you’re fun, and just so nice. “ LOL and for those of you who know Tommy personally you know he’s a man of few words and replied, “…thanks…?”

Well, to wrap it up, I just want to say thanks for traveling with us through our journey and I can’t wait to share more with ya’ll as we near the big day. And if there’s one thing to take away from this entry, it’s to take some time and just think about where you’re at in life and where you were just a few months or years ago, and how different things are (hopefully). God can really do some great things in your life if you just allow Him to be Sovereign and lead you; now you do have to put in your part, but don’t ever forget who the true director in this story of life is.

Love ya’ll,

~Candace soon-to-be Claiborn IV

What is inside of you?

Wow! We are actually down to less than 85 days until our wedding day. On our strive to oneness we are actually having to make real decisions along the process. For instance, how are we paying for the wedding, where are we going to live, how we are going to handle our finances, etc. As we make these serious decisions we really are getting a heavy dose of true intimacy. Like our Pastor's wife constantly states, "Intimacy means just that, (In- to me –u – See)" being in a relationship and actually having to discuss real issues can really bring the realness out of each other. Now, making these small decisions although they seem big to us gives us the opportunity to see what actually makes us tick, and exposes what is actually inside of us. The more Candace and I try to implement the characteristics of Christ in our lives the better we are at interacting together. The Holy Spirit guides us to respond accordingly over and over again. We can only respond consistently with a gentle answer to turn away from conflict/destruction if the Holy Spirit rest within us. Which brings me to my main point on why we need to flee from Sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18) because where Lust, Selfishness, perversion, and the like rest, the Holy Spirit will refuse to rest! The Holy Spirit is all about Love, Giving, and Purity. What’s inside of you?
~Tommy

Influential Woman:

Over the past few weeks I have been realizing how critical of a role my attitude plays in altering the environment of our relationship.Tommy detests a negative/or complaining spirit and for him any kind of complaint without a solution is futile and utterly destructive for a person’s spirit. (Remember, these are my words not his…but from what I gather from our conversations and his response to complaining attitudes, this is the bottom line.)

And truthfully, I agree with him, although sometimes you just want to vent about your day or just your frustrations. I used to think, “yeah, that’s the great part about having a mate: someone to talk to about EVERYTHING, someone to just be truthful and transparent with. But the reality is, no matter how open and transparent your relationship is, your man is not your girlfriend, and most of all he is not God! He has bad days too, and you have to be sensitive to when is right time to vent or simply “express your feelings” and when you should just leave your frustrations at the Father’s feet, and have a quiet and content spirit.

This can be a challenge for me, but as I continue to grow in Christ and also learn my role as a woman, and as a wife-to-be, I am beginning to grasp the concept of truly “Seeking first the Kingdom of Heaven”. You see, if I continue to “VENT, AND VENT, AND VENT” Tommy begins to get worn out and “un-motivated” to talk to me. There is only so much negative talk you can share; you have to use wisdom and realize the power and influence that you as a woman truly have in setting the environment for your male/female relationships.

So as I practice these tools myself, I encourage you ladies to also apply the skill of applying the 5 W’s a little differently:

1. Knowing who to talk to

2. What to share with them

3. Where is the best place to talk

4. When is the right time to bring up the subject

5. Why you’re choosing to share this issue/subject with them.

***Remember, despite how strong, protective, wise, or patient your SuperMan is, he is still just a man, a mere human, and Truthfully, God should be the 1^st one you run to when you’re overwhelmed or stressed, or confused, or whatever! Seeking Christ first will allow you to do all your talking and expressing without talking his ear off, and it will also allow the Holy Spirit to enter your situation and calm you down. And lastly, you will hopefully have received a new direction or solution to your issue that you can positively share with your man.

Most men are problem solvers, so talking just to talk can get really old and frustrating for them, but if you already have a solution, they may be a little more inclined to engage in the conversation, knowing there’s a point to the story, and better yet, that your positively responding to it.

Well I hope this was helpful, I’d love to know your thoughts on the issue.

~Candace

He Lives in You

We are elated and thankful when people tell us this blog is inspirational; but one thing we want to set straight is that this blog is not meant to be inspirational but rather made to be educational. My view of inspirational is when you look at something and have the response of Wow! What they are doing is great. On the contrary, things that are educational not only have you saying wow! What they are doing is great, but I feel empowered & equipped to do the same thing. Our motivation for this blog is not just to share what Candace and I are learning on our journey towards marriage. Instead our motivation to show you what Christ has done in our lives and is capable of doing in yours. If you know Candace or myself then you know that neither one of us has a spotless past, that is until we allowed the Holy spirit to rest inside us to cleanse and forgive us of our past, present, and future. Furthermore, the Holy spirit has defined us and I can think of no better example than this.:
Most of my close friends know that the Lion King is one of my favorite movies, I think it is so much deeper than animation. Specifically I want to concentrate on the part where Simba forgets who he is; and the Baboon (Rafiki) has to remind him of not only who he is but more importantly who he comes from. He comes from MUFASA the KING of PRIDE ROCK! Therefore, that is really what this blog is about a reminder of who we come from the real KING the real ROCK (JESUS CHRIST) It is totally understood that this world has the ability to make us sometimes forget like Simba. Also, like Simba I think its our duty to look deep into our reflection. If we don’t see anything at first I think we need to take Rafiki’s advice and “LOOK HARDER”. Until we are fully convinced that he lives in me and he lives in you (Gen 1:26-29) and understand we are called to be Kings and Queens since we are made in his Image. In conclusion, I would like to restate we are so thankful for your encouraging words, but this blog is so not about us; its more so about the Christ that lives in us. By which empowers us to live this lifestyle of sexual purity. Finally, I have a strong conviction that it is no accident that you’re reading this blog. It is meant for you Yes you! To realize that “He Lives in You”.

~Tommy